HOW I WAS DETERMINED TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK. (Part 01)

By Prince Vincent

In the context of what I'm discussing, I would wish to define a "home as a nucleus training centre for marriages which produces great effect on the off-springs.

Growing children are always looking -up at their parents as role-models. While they were growing-up in their families, we assumed that they're equally under-going an in-house training for marriage.

But whether what they learn will impacts positively or negatively on their marriages in future is a question for another day. Whatever they pick from their parents as marital behaviors will definitely have an influence on them in future. In my case, I indeed went through the same in-house - marriage- training centre. My environment presented me with negative influences, but I should have picked the negative aspect as my behavioral heritage from my parents, since that was what was available to me. But I decided to jettison the marriage behavioral training I pick-up from my parents (family) because it would rather put nail on the coffin of my marriage than to make it work.

I'm going to let you into my background. My parents were not the best couples, but when I became aware of my environment, I realized that the way they were relating to each other we’re far from being friendly and what married life should look like.

There were incidence of hatred, fighting, battery, and general lack of affection in the home which extended and affected even the children.

My mother was severally manhandled by my father. They could not have been a role model for any anticipating couple, especially a young- star like me, who detested every ill-treatment to my mother. They had several quarrels caused by minor issues.

I won't forget in a hurry, how my mother's head was broken with a burnt-brick (block) by my father just because she asked for money to barbe my hair; that brought the stone crashing upon her head.

She was hospitalized and police was brought into the matter, but our big (extended) family intervened and they sued for peace reconciliation because the off-springs of the union. With all that has happened in my parents' marriage, it became oblvious that my perception of marriage has been soiled. My young mind was engolfed with fear of what step to take and would not end-up as a failure in marriage like my parents. In my understanding, marriage based on my parents attitude/experience, is bound to fail. I was almost deciding not to be involved in marriage.

On my becoming a man and thinking of getting married or re-considering my earlier stand, the issue of my parents' relationship became a thing of concern again. Those who knew our family would think that I'm going be a replica of my father in character. Yes, some have already made-up their minds on me, and became advocates/protectors of my would-be wife.

It is not amusing how some people who knew us (our family) went to my- would- be in-laws to inform them of what awaits their daughter, should they allow her to marry me. Some relationships I had, collapsed as result of my parent's stinking marriage.

This fact threw a challenge to me. I then decided to prove every body wrong, by charting a new course for my life. All the evil behaviors which characterized my parent's marriage were the things I was determined not be associated with.

I took this decision to prove that I could be whatever I'm determined to, but not what people think I should be. A saying goes that "A leopard can not be without spots”. It has been proven wrong in my case.