SaveYour Marriage By Loving Your In-Laws.Part 02

LEAVING AND CLEAVING.

In the beginning God created marriage and it was very good. And in Genesis 2:24 he gave three foundational principles for making marriage work. It is not surprising that the first principle deals with in-law relationships. We read, "For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife" Why is leaving so important? Aren't we always to love and respect our parents? Absolutely But we're also commanded to leave.
In Genesis 2:24 leaving is switching our family allegiance. If one mate refuses to realign his or her priority from parents to spouse, that marriage will have problems. When most modern-day couples marry, they physically leave their parents homes. But they also need to leave on another level-on the emotional level. The realigning of our priorities means we need to move our allegiance from our parents to our partners.
We don't stop honoring, respecting, and loving our parents, but they are no longer the number one priority relationship in our lives-or they shouldn't be!

Understand What You Can and Can't Do

We like to say, "You can do what you can do and that's what you can do," We might add "that's all you can do" may be you are blessed with parents and in-laws who are positive and loving. Or you might be in a more distressing situation, and your parents and in-laws are negative and critical.
Whatever the situation, whether your extended family has a positive or negative situation can depends more on you than on the situation. A negative situation can bring you closer together as a couple as you seek to find a solution you can all live with. One couple in our survey decided to turn down an offer of financial help from their parents because it was perceived as a means of control. They would rather be poor than manipulated by their parents.
Also, we need to face the fact that some extended families are just closer than others. Your extended family will not be as close as your nuclear family, nor should it be. Everyone struggles with family relationships. And the older we get, the more complex family relationships become. Also, we assume that if we had a closer-knit family growing up, that closeness will remain when we add in-laws. But having a great nuclear family doesn't translate automatically into a great extended family.
Evaluating your own unique situation will help you understand what is and what isn't realistic to expect from your in-law relationships. Stop for a moment and think about the following questions:

1 What is the best aspect of my relationship with my in-laws?
2 What is the major tension with my in-laws?
3 What is the best way to communicate with my in-laws?
4 What kinds of things pull us together as an extended family?

In the following pages we want to share with you some of the answers we received from couples in a survey we conducted about how they were attempting to love their in-laws, and also share with you some practical suggestions that will help you do what you can to build better relationships with your own in-laws.